I hand the bank teller a twenty dollar bill. ‘May I get two rolls of quarters?’

‘Sure.’

‘Its for my dog. I put her through the washer and dryer at the laundromat.’

‘You what . . .’

Yeah, she’s in the car. We’re going to the laundromat.’

‘You’re going to put your dog in the washer and dryer?’

‘I put her in the big $6 washer. Been doing it for 5 years. She loves it.’

With an incredulous expression, ‘Wow!’

‘I’m only kidding. Did you think I was serious?’

‘Well, you never know. Last night on the news I watched a man eat another’s man face.

‘You what?’

He had beat him up and then ate his face, while he was still alive.’

‘Did he make a movie of himself doing this?’

‘No, they caught it all on  a  surveillance camera across . . .’

‘So he did this in public?’

‘Yeah, ate off his face.’

Lowering my voice, ‘Let me ask you something. Is it your intent to ruin my day?’

A few moments passed, then we both laughed uncontrollably.

‘Well, you started it.’

I laughed all the way out the bank and then some.

It turns out this really did happen in South Miami on May 26th. Its said the attacker had taken a super dose of an LSD type drug. This wasn’t very shocking to me and neither was the fact that one youtube video of it had received over 1.3 million hits. Where are we heading?

The face eater was shot 5 times by an officer after he refused to stop noshing. I’d think using a taser would have been less costly than five bullets. In this time of municipal hardship, every penny saved counts. Maybe his taser hadn’t been charged up. Oh well!

I don’t read newspapers or tune in to the horrific news of the day. If I did, I’d have a multitude of additional fears I don’t currently own.