Change the belief.

All these years past day one,
I sit here reading old letters,
pages and pages of cursive.

Some from over 50 years past
Vietnam Travel Marriage Success
Friends Close Deaths, long forgotten.

Old letters opening doors, closed
so long ago, I sit here asking,
‘She wrote this loving note to Me’?

a BIG bang just in my head and heart.
Through all the years of life I’ve lived,
human intimacy remains alien to me.

Intimacy with another human being
for more than short moments of time,
when mind mans the helm, is difficult.

Way back when this body felt pain
full abuse from self and others,
mind stepped in and took over.

Pain out there. We’re here, looking out.
When the alarm sounds, close shutters,
batten down the hatches. Dive Dive Dive.

I find myself still relating to others
from in here, behind word safety,
instead of connecting here AND there,

where human touch is embodied
and shared in a genuine and loving
way, unimaginable in a mental state.

All that to say, mind designs and builds
walls, shutters and hatches, just as easy
as it can dissolve them, in an instant.

Breath is the tool relating mind and heart
opens the way through fear of out there,
of another, the other, enemy, friend, lover.

All those many words and lovely images
may fill a page or two, but does not alter
the belief that I am not in touch with you.